"Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother... It’s been six months and still it hurts so bad. It’s not that I don’t like what has happened between you two or anything, it’s just, well, it hurts so much and... I get so jealous when ever I see people walking around, hand in hand, happy, full of love, peace and the light of having someone who cares about them in that way that no one else can and all I want is that...
I try to remember what that felt like for the short time I had it and now all I want is it back, all I want is the peace and joy... I just want to be loved like that, and yet I know no matter how much I try to not think about it and not feel it, it’ll always be there, haunting me, in the back of my mind... or should I say heart? It’s like a deep dark hole, that no matter what I do... won’t go away, no matter how hard I try to fill it with distractions it’s always there, eating away at me... so slowly... it just hurts. And, well, I see you with him, dancing, eating, riding, together... I try to imagine that it’s me there instead of you, that it’s me sitting by him, dancing with him, laughing with him. I know it sounds silly, but... You have no idea how special he is, how much he cares for you... I hope one day you’ll see it. Maybe one day you will realise that he will always be there for you, with you, no matter what happens... I realise this, I don’t know how I couldn’t have seen it sooner, I should have seen it right away, the first time that his eyes fell on you, in that gown... that one that shows off every perfect curve of your body...yes... You are lucky to have a body like that you know, to be beautiful... no, to be gorgeous..."
Deana placed down the quill, glancing out the window, feeling foolish for a moment, thinking perhaps that this was a stupid idea. No matter how she tried to explain her reasons they wouldn’t understand, how could they? They were happy and...perfect together, she, she was just getting in the way of things.
The sun slowly fell away from her small desk as she sat still, thinking, and gently it slid across the floor, it’s journey to night soon to be complete as hers would be. She then drifted back to her paper and what she had been trying to write, picking up the quill again, dipping it into the ink and continued.
"Now, now, don’t cry, there is nothing you two could ever have said to change my mind, this was the only thing to do, don’t you see that? Things will be so much easier now that you can be on your own, without your little sister hanging over your shoulder in that irritating way. No, don’t say that, I know you two loved me dearly and always will but... this was the only way. You need not hang back any longer, you can be married, he has no ties to me now, you are free to do as you will...
My dearest sister, please, you know that I would not have been able to live seeing you two together, I know it sounds selfish of me but... you have never had to feel like I have, to see and be almost able to touch what you want and yet not be able to have it completely... to grasp it as yours... Loving someone and having them not return your love is more painful then anything on this planet. I love you like a sister and always will. And you... sister, marry him, marry him for me and take care of him and have children with him and live happily ever after, that and that alone will make me truly happy, as happy as I will ever be able to be.
Dry your tears, I will always be here, in spirit if not in body, I will watch you and protect you as much I can. You two were meant to be, I see that now and please understand that when I say ‘I could not have lived knowing he could never love me’ that it really has nothing to do with you, for even if he had not met you I feel as if he would simply have met another, he could never love me, I was never good enough and I see that I could never have been good enough for him, we always clashed in that way, I’m simply not right for him, please make sure that he too knows this was not his fault, he could never force himself to love me and that I would not have taken- love must come from the very soul... We (him & I) were never meant to be.
I feel as if I have done what I was meant to do on this plane, in this time. I have walked my path, there is but one place for me to go now and as I write this I feel that it is the only place and the right place for me. I want to do this, dearest sister, I feel that now, yes now is my time. I have rambled on long enough, you understand now, don’t you? Good then... I will say good bye now... yes... Good bye my sweet. I will always love you, both of you, though... in very different ways...
Live life to the fullest and you will do no wrong."
She smiled softly and signed the paper, then folded it and using the candle that now flickered atop the desk she placed her seal on the parchment and slowly, leaving the quill by the ink she stood, sighing gently.
Turning Deana walked to the window, looking out, watching the sun setting in the distance, the colours more beautiful then ever. She pushed a strand of her dark hair away from her face and stepped onto the stone sill of the large window, looking down at the water that lay miles below her and then back to the sky. Her thin white gown danced about her ankles, catching the wind with her hair and leaping about her, as if calling for her to join them in their dance. The smile still on her lips she stretched out her arms to the heavens "Take me, take me away from this place, I want to be free again." she whispered as the lustful breeze caught her swiftly, wrapping about her wrists and pulled her away from the cold stone. She gasped feeling her heart skip a beat and laughed, joyfully "Yes..." she murmured "It’s time...". And so the air and spirits themselves grasped her now, helping her shed her mortal form and sprint into the cloudless sky upon wings of gold, merging with the setting sun, glinting into the distance and then sinking away as the night’s soft hand guided the light away and herself to freedom.